bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
