i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
