Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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