The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
