just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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