They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
