i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
