Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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