burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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