I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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