I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
