I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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