A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
