I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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