well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
