Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
