hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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