dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
