Well apparently he's into motor boating.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
