Don't you send me to vm
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
