My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
