Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think a kid would responsible me up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
