my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
