I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
