can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
