he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
