I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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