does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
