You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
