GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
