What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
