So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
