I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
