someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
