That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
