No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
