ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
