I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
