everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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