Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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