dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so explain again why im purple
no
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont even know how to be here
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
