he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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