so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do cheetos always look like penises
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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