I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you would pick up someone in the library
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
