Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
