Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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