Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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