I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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