i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
