they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
