I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
