Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
